June 3, 2023

Is it normal that the person you love pisses you off, and how to deal with it?

Irritation can be good for your relationship.

He again did not close the tube of toothpaste or did not put down the lid of the toilet, and she was too long to get ready or moved somewhere important documents. It seems to be the little things, but just angry to the point of horror – and here on an empty place flares up another quarrel. Does this mean that people no longer love each other, and their relationship is threatened? Psychologists believe that no: irritation, on the contrary, may be a sign that the couple is fine. And if you are not in love yet, but would like to find your life partner, an online christian dating app can help you with this.

Why it’s okay to be angry at your partner?

French sociologist Jean-Claude Kauffman believes that irritation, dissatisfaction, and nagging is an element of any serious relationship. If you spend a lot of time with a person and even more so if you live together, your views on everyday life and habits will inevitably clash.

All those untidy things, unclosed lids, wasted money, broken plates… Not to mention the fierce battles between owls and larks or scandals about your partner’s too much time on the phone.

Grumbling, slanting glances, exchanging barbs or even quarrels – most often there is nothing terrible in them. And no, even the strongest couple can not avoid such situations.

If people are irritated with each other and quarrel periodically, it means that their relationship is healthy. And here’s why.

You are comfortable with each other.

At the beginning of the relationship, we usually try to show ourselves from the best side and carefully hide the habits and qualities we think may repel the partner. We don’t walk around the house in stretched-out pants, we don’t throw half-empty cups of tea all over the apartment, and of course, we keep our negative emotions under control.

But when relationships get to the next level and become stronger and deeper, we relax and let our true selves go free.

And it’s only sometimes peaceful and restrained. In general, if you are muttering, arguing, and bickering, it means you are confident in your partner. And you know that he loves you and will not be afraid of such a little thing as periodic outbursts of discontent.

…But you still care about each other.

It is believed that strong and happy couples never fight. But the complete doldrums in a relationship can indicate that people just don’t care about each other. That they are estranged and no longer experience any vivid emotions: neither positive nor negative.

In short, irritation and dissatisfaction mean that there is life in the relationship. Although this, of course, does not apply to situations where all communication between partners consists of criticism, quarrels, and nagging.

Irritation is a reason to work on yourself.

If you track what pisses you off, and analyze why it happens, it helps you to know yourself better. And at the same time to identify weaknesses and work on them and their relationships. By the way, if you are still looking for a strong relationship, click reference.

For example, you are annoyed that your partner all weekend lying on the couch with a book, phone, or a controller from the console. The problem is that you have different ideas about the ideal vacation – then you should find a compromise or spend time separately.

And it may be that you are unable to let go and relax – and therefore angry at the loved one, who is full of indulgence.

In this case, you need to learn how to relax and be idle – for example, to try different relaxation techniques. Or figure out why lazy pastime makes you feel guilt, shame, and fear.

How to deal with irritation?

No long-term relationship is without nagging and resentment. But sometimes it happens that quarrels and mutual irritation become too much. And it can destroy the relationship or make them completely unbearable.

After all, no one likes to hear reproaches all the time or see their partner constantly walking around with a sour face. If the person you love infuriates you so much that your relationship is threatened, perhaps you should listen to the advice of psychologists.

Analyze how irritation affects your couple.

Maybe you attach too much importance to minor squabbles, and your partner hardly notices them or treats them as something natural. So you argue, so you get mad. And then the “guilty” still went and took out this ill-fated trash – and that’s it, the house is at peace again.

But dissatisfaction also accumulates, and small skirmishes more and more often escalate to full-scale scandals with shouting and tears.

And then people begin to distance themselves. For example, they try to stay at work longer, if only not to listen to lectures and not to catch oblique glances. Or avoid spending the weekend together.

At this point, it’s worth considering whether it’s the irritation that’s to blame, or whether it’s the problems that are behind it. Uncollected garbage or systematically scattered socks may be only the tip of the iceberg.

And in fact, all this is a manifestation of laziness and indifference, which indicates that the partner is irresponsible, does not respect your work, and does not want to invest in the relationship and share household chores with you. And in this case, it’s this that worries and angers you, not the socks themselves. And therefore, you need to solve the problem itself, not its symptoms.

Start with yourself.

In a conflict, in one way or another, two parties are involved. It can not be that the responsibility lies entirely on someone else, and the other party is just a victim of circumstances, who can not do anything at all.

For example, your half puts the coffee cup on the white table, once again ignoring the saucers and coasters. You imagine leaving a round brown mark in that spot, and you begin to boil over. Next, you have several options for action:

Get angry and tell your partner that you’re sick of the whole thing.

Silently offer him the saucer.

Close your eyes to what’s going on.

Calmly explain that you are very upset by these stains.

Buy a table that doesn’t leave coffee stains.

Yes, you didn’t put the unfortunate cup on the table. But it is your choice to start a skirmish or to boil in your resentment. You are not responsible for the other adult and their actions, but you can start with yourself. Don’t automatically react to the irritant, but take a few deep breaths and think about what avenues are open to you now.

Remember that by showing irritation, you make yourself even angrier

It seems that if you remark to the person, you will feel better. But this is not always the case. Endless grumbling, on the contrary, catalyzes irritation. The more you go over the faults of your half, the more you irritate yourself. Because all this is completely unconstructive and does not lead to a solution.

Much more effective would be to discuss what is happening with your partner:

Talk about your feelings, using “I”-messages: “I get furious when my requests are ignored,” “I’m worried that we won’t have enough money.”

Avoid accusations and attacks: “You are always throwing things away!”, “You are irresponsible and only think of yourself.

Offer a solution to the situation: “Let’s make a cleaning schedule and try to follow it”, “I think we should start to keep a family budget”.

Listen attentively to the other party and come to a common denominator.

If the reason for the irritation was quite insignificant, and you flared up, because it’s just such a stupid day – also tell your loved one about it. Sometimes everyone needs to be pitied and “taken in hand”.

 

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